Fall 2017

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SYNCHRONICITIES

Synchonicities - they have been a constant in my life for some time now.  I have received answers and information to better understand what happens when it does.  I understand the synchronicities better than I did a year ago since I've done a great deal of inner work and reconnecting, healing and moving on with the journey that is.

The typical synchronicities have been linked to my soul twin; the one whom I have a soul contract with.  I discovered that the journey wasn't over and not more than 2 days on the West Coast when I relocated - the Universe made sure that I didn't forget.  The answers came to questions I no longer looked for due to concentrating on another aspect of my life.  I thought things were over and done as my soul twin walked away.  The Universe let me know it's not over and kept constantly reminding me no matter how much I tried to ignore it. 

The orbiter/runner is doing so because of fear.  This reunion turned both of our worlds upside down and the emotions became so overwhelming when everything became chaotic.  The physical distance was there as we were on opposite coasts yet the reality of the matter is; the universe has revealed that my soul twin and I have been closer in distance several times without knowing it at the time.  

Though things have been silent from her end for quite a while; she connected in a lucid dream.  I knew I was dreaming yet everything was as real as this very moment feels.  The lucid dream left me absolutely confused until I realized that she has progressed with her journey and connected telepathically.  I didn't realize that until after the dream so I have been working on clearing the chakras.  I've been doing what I can to change the outlook on society in order to maintain the open unconditional love since I am older; patiently working on myself and my journey as she works on hers.  

She's doing what she said she would.  She should be done with her Master's degree.  She will return as she always does because she is connected to me; part of me as she is a soul twin.  The fear is very real and I understand it and the need to run.  The Scorpio, it is a normal defense mechanism.  She still loves me.  I feel it.  She stopped tweeting because it's gotten real.  She may try to engage with another relationship but she will always come back.  Nothing else will work in regards to what we have.  Like her, I tried to distract myself with another relationship but the Universe let me know immediately when I got too far ahead...that it's destined.  I can only wait until she is ready to return.  

We walk in similar circles and I discovered that some of my acquaintances and business connections out here are also connected to her.  My best friend met and interacted with her at an event I was invited to attend and participate in but had to cancel due to club responsibilities on the board that arose last minute.  Several years ago, she accused me of being passive because of my calm and collected nature but when the chaotic aspects came around due to the confusion and inner wars over what was going on between us (prior to my knowledge of the truth of the situation and connection) we debated and she got angry at me and took off.  

I was the chaser for a brief period after I realized why things were the way they were, the answers came without provocation because the time was right for absorption and processing.  I reached out and she responded in a mysterious sort of way that sparked her comments that were played off as her having read old emails.  Giving her time, I go about my journey until she is ready.  The time approaches soon.  That knowing that the awakened twin has; hasn't been easy to handle by any means but it is what it is.  Knowing what I CAN and DO have control over; I walk my journey until the time of the reunion. 

Seasons Change and So Does Life

The last month of November has been a whirlwind that kicked off with my having been the emergency contact for a business associate and when she didn't arrive on the East Coast schedule flight that someone else paid for, I found her after she had been in a psychiatric facility. The behavior I have witnessed since I brought her home the second time they released her, astounded me.  Everything fell into place as it was meant to and I finally ended a four and half year association and friendship with a self promoter whose only motivation is reputation and money.  After having her drag my business into drama that I had nothing to do with nor worked with, I was ignored and the answer to a question I sent to her personally and privately, was answered on a social media website.  Needless to say, a rule was broken so she had to go. 

Yet where one door closes, another opens.  In this case, several other doors opened as soon as I shut the door on the spotlight ho.  My bestfriend from New York returned and in a way, so did her mother - who was my mentor who taught me the Cherokee Medicine ways that I still use today...two decades later.

My best friend and I had gone on our separate journey's when I was with my daughter's sperm donor because of the things that were going on.  She did not agree with such things and felt bad all these years for not supporting me and asked me for forgiveness.  I laughed and told her there was nothing to forgive.  I understood why our journeys needed to go the way it did.  I didn't agree with some things in her relationship but it wasn't my place to say anything.  18 years later, that relationship is finally over after he hurt her.  She is working on herself and marveled at the timing of our reunion, when she needed me the most.  I had always known that our paths would cross again down the line in life just as I've known many other things that have come to pass already and some that are still to come. 

While speaking with my sister again (I am still extremely cautious as she truly hasn't learned anything nor has healed the deep wounds within).  As I said she would be back living with my mother when she was in her early 40s, it has also come to pass.  My brother, who is going through his second divorce, made the decision as we spoke on Thanksgiving for two hours or so, that he's coming out to California since there is nothing keeping him in NY anymore.  His first wife fucked him over and moved to North Korea and took my nephew.  I could not wish for a better person to experience ebola as she has done nothing but use my brother for citizenship when her student visa ran out.  Sadly, I told him exactly how it was because I read her intentions when I first met her and I was dead on with everything, including her running back to her country with my nephew.  So, he will come out here during the summer and start anew out here.  We talked about going into business together and will discuss things further when he relocates out here. 

In the meantime, there are other new ventures happening as yet another from my past has returned after being off on her own journey for the last several years. She has nothing keeping her in her current state of Texas.  I was surprised to hear she was out there after having spoken to her when she was in Virginia at the beginning of the year.  She's making her way back to the Pacific coast.  That one is soul kindred so no matter where we are or what we are doing, when we reconnect it is always pleasurable in a teasing sort of flirtatious way.  

As I sit and contemplate all that has transpired this past month and what is to transpire in the coming weeks, I smile and realize I have left my mark on many in this world.  With the two reunions and a small step at dealing with the dysfunctional side of my family, I have had an influence.  My best friend has often thought of me as much as I have thought of her over the years.  When we reconnected, it was as if all those years hadn't gone by at all. Such realities and epiphanies have made me humble with a healthy ego and lets me know I'm on the right path. ;-)

Spring becomes Summer

I recently went through my online storage areas of graphics and website management posts and came across the above graphic, designed for me many years ago, when I ran a Goddess oriented learning website on MSN communties and groups back in the ancient days of the internet. 

The graphic was designed over twenty years ago, before my shamanic journey had kicked in and made itself known.  The designer was a member of the spiritual learning site and had picked up many things about me that she designed for my logo.  Although I do not have a drop of Native American blood in my veins, I do walk a red path as taught to me by a Cherokee medicine woman many years ago.  All the different traditions and spiritual paths I have learned over the years has fit into the journey and helped me understand who I am and what my purpose is.  The image above is one of a shaman - long before the shaman within me grew into position and today when I came across this, it brought a smile to my face because Layanna understood and now so do I. *smiles*

Last week, I made the choice to head back to the club to inquire about renting the place for a Samhain bash.  I was confronted with the situation of having to deal with a known shit stirrer and gossip monger, in order to get to the individual I needed to speak with.  When I do business, in spite of whether I trust or like an individual or don't like them and don't trust them...I am always professional and polite.  I guess since I was polite, this individual seems to think, (by the word that got around less than 12 hours later) that because I was nice, I made amends.  I didn't have anything to make amends for nor did the words "I'm Sorry" ever come out of my mouth during the time I had to deal with the creature who stirs the cauldron of stench.  I did nothing but remove the individual from my life because I have no need for drama, backstabbing and reputation ruining with maliciousness.  After the board election and blatant public attack, I have no use for such a person in my life.  Friends don't stab friends in the back for no apparent reason other than disagreeing with outlandish ideas and illegal business ethics.  Yet somehow in their delusional mind, because I was professional and polite, word going around from her mouth is that I made amends.  That one I don't think I will ever understand but who knows, perhaps the Universe will reveal the answer of how this individual came to such a ridiculous conclusion.

The Labor day holiday I spent with good friends...good energy, food and wine.  I brought over the bottle of red wine that another friend gifted me with for my birthday this past Spring.  I was saving it for a special occasion and gathering with friends for a holiday BBQ in Antelope Valley was perfect.  Two of those friends are Celtic and Scottish pagans and I adore their energy and our intense conversations.  I discovered that the female friend also has some Cherokee in her blood line on her father's side (half Italian and half Cherokee from father) and when she discovered during a conversation we had when she asked what my spiritual background is and what do I 'label' myself as a shaman...and we went into the history since I was 16.  She wants me to teach her some of what I know and remember and still practice today in regards to the Cherokee. I did tell her that we would first have to trace her Cherokee lineage through the Dawes Rolls and figure out which band she is from.  The different bands (Keetoowah and the Eastern band and the Cherokee Nation) have slightly different dialect and rituals/practices so before I could teach her, I would have to know her Cherokee lineage which we will have to find the time to research.

It is interesting because we also got into a brief discussion about 'coin'.  Being paid for service.  While some believe it is okay to charge for your gifts and assistance, I can see what they were saying.  I, however, work a different way.  Because what I do is part of my purpose for being here, I am not out to get rich for money is the root of all the evil in the world today.  Instead of charging, I prefer to 'barter' for services rendered and did make mention that I would be interested in acupuncture sessions in return for teaching the student how to bring forth her Native heritage as she has been drawn back to with her awakening.  The Cherokee do not believe in charging money for services and sacred ceremonies but much has been commercialized.  It was unacceptable to accept 'coin' and it is still something that I struggle with however, with today's economy it is understandable why it has become commercialized.  Sadly there are many not authorized, who perform sweat lodges (Sedona Az was known and a few were hospitalized because of neglect and ignorance of a group of caucasian con artists) and other sacred rituals and ceremonies at other people's expense.  The reason it is unacceptable to accept coin is because healers are not predators who prey on the ill who are in a bad spot and because a gift cannot have a price put on it.  

Some tribes would require the patient to obtain certain items for a ritual or healing while other tribal patients gave healers blankets, deerskins and furs, weapons, or horses in exchange for their help.  These gifts that were given to the healer/medicine person were symbols of the value the patients held for the healing.  Today, like others have said, a weapon or horse won't put food on the table so it is not surprising that others charge an astronomical amount for 'workshops' under the guise of Cherokee Medicine.  We will not turn away the gifts but we do not charge coin because healing cannot have a price put on it as it is a gift to the healers as well and would go against the Universal force of the Great Spirit.  Handmade products to be sold to the public can have a price tag as its intent is to be put forth to the world but healing and use of gifts is priceless, much like life itself is priceless.

Worry not, I am not a poor woman by any means, for all my bills are paid and I have all the necessities as well as working my own schedule as I work for myself. I have luxuries and fine wear but that is because I have worked hard to achieve such things of pleasure and enjoyment.  Yet I work differently than those driven by the mighty dollar.  I sleep well and am healthy.  I live right and have a clear conscious and soul.  I have no regrets in life nor do I ever say I am sorry for I am careful about what I do and say.  My intentions are good and evolved with unconditional love.  Those that have proven untrustworthy or dangerous/malicious/harmful are kept at a distance, including blood family.  I do not do toxic dynamics. 

My days are long and I am careful about who I help, even if they ask for assistance.  The Cherokee are taught to choose one's battles wisely.  Many people want help but do not want to do the work on themselves or their own situation, which is a result/consequence of their own free will and personal decisions, as well as either reactions or responses.  They want someone else to do the work for them, to do some magic and make it all perfect again or to change their situation or make them feel good. That is not our job nor are we permitted to step in and help such individuals.  We have a price to pay for the things we do and healing isn't some magic that happens by waving a wand.  It comes from within us...healing takes our energy and does make us ill sometimes in different ways if we do not expend what dis-ease we take from others.

Shaman walk between the worlds of light and dark.  We are faced with demons and such and have done battle with evil.  Sometimes others bring on their own demons they want rid of yet continue to do the same deeds that drew them in the first place, so in all reality, we must be careful with what we do because we do have a price we must pay for helping others, that most of humanity does not consider because it is a self-serving species.

So I walk the path I do, live the adventures I do and enjoy life to the fullest as I walk each moment. Not everything is always perfect nor is everything always good.  Yet we make the most of a moment and experience and that is what life is about.  *smiles*

 

 

 

 Humans hear and see what they want to hear and see, regardless of what is truth and reality.  I witness this all around me on a daily basis, in the vanilla everyday world of life as well as within the BDSM lifestyle communities across the nation.  As an educator and an 'Elder' in the BDSM lifestyle (going on over 30 years experience, still learning new things every day no matter how much of an expert I am as a Master in a myriad of areas/fields/industries/talents), it is sad when I see people come to workshops to learn but do not retain the knowledge revealed.  It is done so for a reason, not to take parts of it with what you think works for you.  It is about the ritual, preparation and safety on all aspects of mental, physical, emotional and spiritual/soul related.  

There is so much disappointment in this chaotic world of drama, denial and distain; for anything different than what they have known.  While humans fear what is unknown - they should.  There are many that try to say this or that yet not many grown adults today, seem to take accountability and responsibility for their own words and deeds.  Karma is a bitch and for some; it seems to be easier to play the victim than be the grown up they are supposed to be.  No one else but the person who acts or speaks is responsible for their own behavior or actions.  I still think stupidity should be fatal. 

The saddest part about society today is that the social graces and human decency seems to have fallen by the way side.  No one seems to know how to show respect and properly address someone they meet for the first time.  No one seems to know how to be nice and polite and positive.  If someone isn't stabbing someone in the back as soon as it is turned (matters not whether friend, family or foe), the self-serving greedy agendas are in abundance and at an alarming rate at that.  Moral values, etiquette and proper codes of conduct that my generation were raised on - good old fashioned protocol and etiquette - are now in the same category of ancient history and mythological legends of old.  No wonder the world is in such a disruptive violent chaotic state. 

Yet it is survival of the fittest in evolution - in a dog eat dog world of war, crime, drug and alcohol addiction, child abuse, murder, rape and absolute destruction of human decency around the globe. People claim music sooths the beast yet that is not true because many have sang about getting along and loving one another over the decades and centuries, yet not one person listens as the proof is in our faces every day.  

I still continue to guide and teach as that is part of my purpose here on this planet, this time around.  While being an empath is walking a difficult journey every day - I still remain positive and know that I have made a difference and that those soul deep gratitude from those who do learn and grow from my influence, wisdom and knowledge is what keeps me going on this journey. :-) 

Observation's Revelations and Contemplations of 2014

 

 

 As a shaman, I observe the world around me and go about my business without getting involved in OPD (Other People's Drama).  Society seems to thrive on it and will not rest without it.  It is sad to see the co-dependency of humanity and how they cannot accept their inner darkness and light.  We all have a dark side, it just depends on what we do with that dark side.  Do humans sin and commit crimes against ourselves, our families and others in the world simply for the '7 deadly sins' of fleshful fantasies, desires and wants or do we accept it and use it constructively?

  

Many moons ago, when I learned of the Hungarian Gypsy blood that runs through my veins that eventually explained many things on the journey this time around; I had already discovered my dark side.  I spent many years fighting against it for the good of all and all that b.s. that my familial Roman Catholic upbringing tried to shove down my throat and brainwash me with but that did not work.  My soul followed it's own path as I remained true to myself, both light and dark side.  In spite of learning the different folk traditions and medicine ways that were handed down to me, I refrained from using the dark powerful side against myself or others.  As devious and wicked as my dark side can get, I do not curse or use negative/black magic in harmful ways.  I may use negative energy to battle demons that do exist (no I'm not hallucinating nor insane).  

For those that are not aware of what shaman do...we walk in between the worlds...the physical and spiritual world.  We travel and have abilities and knowledge of great wisdom.  Although many in this world want someone else to fix their lives for them and make all their dreams come true and are always looking for help in some form or fashion - we do not always help when asked.  We have great decisions to weigh when others come to us for help.  I cannot help those that do not want to help themselves.  It is our way...our law...the Universal Law.  Doing things for others when they are capable of doing things for themselves is enabling their issues and problems further.  

Learning is never over even after an apprenticeship or mentorship or higher education graduation because life is about lessons and we learn something new every day, whether you see it, realize it or not.  Being a shaman, I have to be careful with what I do because much of what I put forth in thought and words comes to pass within a certain amount of time (depending on what the situation, who is involved) and in the last two years since the last portal opened in December 2012, the time frame has shortened to within a week's time frame of unfolding...so I have to keep thoughts and words positive.

Others have witnessed things I have proclaimed to come in the near future with others around us; they have indeed come to pass and I find many more coming to me for advice and to 'get my opinion' on things/situations/events/people.  While I do my best not to talk negatively about others who have wronged me and others, who have been malicious because I am not a sheeple - I walk my own path and do not conform to the delusions of others nor will I be manipulated nor abused for my peace and freedom.  I do tell the truth and only speak from personal experience, I do not gossip or get caught up in the 'he said, she said' grade school game.  Life is too short to waste time and oxygen on such immaturity yet there are those that thrive on that chaos and slanderous vengeance and backstabbing.

Living here in LaLa Land has been an amazing journey the last few years; the last year in particular as it was a time with Mercury in Retrograde that opened up my eyes to many other people and their true colors.  Human decency, social graces and respect for others and self  (in a healthy way that is) seem to be lacking everywhere.   Samhain last year I had to fly out to Florida to take care of a long time friend's estate after her 'nephew' and his junkie girlfriend murdered her.  I am flying back out in April when her sister flies in from Paris France so that we can lay her to rest out in Key West as were her last wishes so we are going to honor it and then party to celebrate her life.  It's not over as I have to fly back out when trial begins in about 2 years in a tight case against the junkies who tried to turn on each other behind bars. Taking another person's life is not okay.  It is a crime of felonious murder.  Why can perpetrators and the criminals not take responsibility for their own behaviors.  If ya can do the crime, you can pay the time.  While I still believe in the "Eye for an Eye" way of law...there are other countries who utilize this law and have a low crime and murder rate.  Gee, I wonder why that is?

 Is it because living LaLa Land that everyone is an actor and actress - whether they act in theater, movies/film or not?  Is it because the recent generation failed to learn common sense and etiquette?  Respect seems to be few and far between and it is disappointing to see how deeper humanity and society continue to bury themselves in chaos, misery, and emptiness within because they are too afraid to be real with themselves and others.  

There is so much suffering around the world with unnecessary wars and hidden executive orders and all that hollaboloo going on in the world, it is sad to see how humanity treats one another.  There are many who will take without giving anything in return, there are those who expect everything and think the world is here to serve them and their every whim and then there are those you give an inch and they will bleed ya dry within the mile they take all without conscious or realizing what they do because they don't care.  It is sad to see how the generations have declined and embraced the dark side in the wrong way and think nothing of it.  

Yet I remain available to those sincere who truly do need the assistance and help.  I fought what I finally embraced for the longest time.  Why?  I did not want the responsibility of what I am here to do yet the Universe and life has taught me that I can do what had been revealed and shown to others and myself.  It was terrifying but when I came into my own and embraced that dark side, everything fell into place and I am right where I am supposed to be in life.  In all reality, Los Angeles was the second to last place I thought I would ever live, but it feels more like home than New York has since 9/11 and I know I'll be here for a while longer. *smiles*  

more to come....